Monday, March 17, 2014

Feeling anxious - and think I figured out why...

anx·ious
ˈaNG(k)SHəs/
adjective
  1. 1.
    experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
    "she was extremely anxious about her exams"
    synonyms:worried, concerned, uneasy, apprehensive, fearful, perturbed, troubled,bothered, disturbed, distressed, disquieted, fretful, agitated, nervous,edgy, antsy, unquiet, on edge, tense, overwrought, worked up, keyed up, jumpy, worried sick, with one's stomach in knots, with one's heart in one's mouth;
  2. 2.
    wanting something very much, typically with a feeling of unease.
    "the company was anxious to avoid any trouble"
    synonyms:eager, keen, desirous, impatient

And that has described a feeling I (al) have had for the past week or so.   But I was not sure why, till it dawned on me last night.  I was up at 3:30am, could not sleep, and was surfing the web.  I went to some San Juan update sites, along with the Washington State ferries updates to check in on how things were going 'back home' when I realized the root of my anxiety...  Its the water!  (And yes, there is a double meaning there - for those who remember the tag line 'It's the water', given it is St. Patrick's day, and I am here in a largely dry part of the country. . .)   But the core meaning - it is the water drawing me..

I think for people who adopt the cruising lifestyle, at least those who do it for more than a couple of years and more than a couple of months out of the year, there is a lifelong tug deep inside them.  I know for myself I have been attracted to the water as early as grade school.  And as I grew older I would be more than content sitting at the beach and watching the water,  just watching it.  There was always a draw, a calling to me - from the water.  And it is again calling me this Spring.

Our 1st winter in Friday Harbor I became antsy in January, to the point that we pulled out in February. The following spring we delayed our departure for family reasons, and here the 3rd spring I am feeling the pull again.  All without the visual indications back on Viking Star: "Kristi, there is green growing on the dock lines - time for us to get underway"  (was always surprised she did not start a covert bleaching campaign just after new years...)

So, here it is early Spring (late Winter actually), and my core it telling me it is time to pull away. to "... throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."   But I think it is more than that, more than Explore, Dream, Discover.  It is a pull from the water that can only be heard by those who can hear it.  Can only be known by those with this calling to get out there - away from the safe harbor, the high energy of the town - any town.  To feel the water and nature around you, to connect, and become at peace.

It took me 40 years to make it there, and I will make it back again.  Do not want to give the impression I am so bummed about our current year break, doing what Kristi and I are doing has so many +++ it is the right choice.  But I also feel the pull, as I have for most all of my life.

At least now I understand the cause of my anxiety.  Perhaps those who often visit this site (and others) can understand it too.  And hence this post is a boating post, and gets the Cruising Life tag.





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